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"Your only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it" - Robin Williams
You can only hit snooze, cancel plans, isolate, neglect responsibilities, and cry in bed for so long. Eventually, you must find a way to get through the day so you can function in society.
This is the painful realization that I had to face.
Bipolar depression does not discriminate. It knows no age, gender, occupation, income, talent, etc. The depths of bipolar depression can be down right debilitating. I have spent weeks feeling extremely depressed but not being able to pinpoint a cause. It always followed after weeks of sheer happiness. I would later learn that the extreme happiness was mania and depression afterwards was a bipolar "low".
It took me several years to be able to truly say that I am managing bipolar disorder.
During my worst times of depression I didn’t know that managing this illness and leading a stable life was even possible. It has been a very long journey and before finally learning how to live with bipolar disorder it wreaked havoc on every aspect of my life. My medications ultimately saved my life, made my mood swings more manageable and to put my mind more at ease. I know many individuals and society view medication as a "last resort" or don't believe in it at all- but I can say, if it wasn't for my medication, I would be here to share my story. It took a lot of mindful work and I am passionate about helping others cope with this illness. My goal is to share some of my depression survival tips and tell you how I learned to live with this disorder..
I know it's hard believe me, I know what it feels like, tomorrow will never come, and today will be the most difficult day to get through, but I swear, you will get through, the hurt will pass, as it always does, if you give it time and let it, so let it go slowly like a broken promise, let it go..
After my diagnosis of bipolar disorder, it took me several years to fully accept I had this life-changing mental illness. I had to find my new self and learn to love myself again and ultimately love parts of the "new" me. I do have bipolar disorder. I do have a mental illness, and it is ok. I am still a good person and I truly believe my life was saved. I am still the same person I always was but now I am a better, stronger, wiser, and kinder version of myself. Sometimes I still grieve parts of the "old" me and question what my life could of been but I try my best to block those dark memories even though it will always be a part of me because of how traumatic the experience was but I have a purpose in this world and now I will embrace every bit of it.
There will be better days my dear. Days where your mind is finally at peace and the only things that are mind is finally at peace and the only things that are making you happy are the simple things life has to offer. Days where you can easily look back on this experience and not shed a single tear but smile with closure and no regrets. You are a damn miracle, I am a miracle. There will come a time where you will be happiest you have ever been and one of those reasons will because of what you have gone through and what you have survived.
I never thought I would have a mental illness, but I do and I must strive to make the best person I can be and become. It is a never ending battle of struggles, growth and discovery of the new me every day.. I have found joy in the experience of living.
Recently two celebrities passed that died by suicide, Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. I am saddened by this. However, I am glad it has increased the discussion about mental illness and suicide. After listening to people and society speak about mental illness, I have come to the realization that most of society do not have a clue what mental illness is. Too many people stated that these two who died had everything they could of wished for although they were unhappy. But theses comments make me think that people really don't understand.
Mental illness is not a choice. Mental illness is not a character flaw. Mental illness is not always determined by life's circumstances. Mental illness is a brain disease. Mental illness is not committed to by the kind of life you live or how much you make...so why are people so surprised that these two celbs had sorrow, pain, loss, mental illness, depression and died by suicide? There are no "looks": that people with mental illness have...
People need to stop stating suicide is a choice because occasionally it is not a choice. Mental illness tends to overtake a person's mindset at the time and there is no reality to stay in because they lost any sort of their own reality..
Suicide is very horrifying, but society needs to know the realities and the truth. Frequently there is no mind over matter. There is no more mind that matters. I want people and society to be aware of the several possibilities in the mind of someone before a suicide attempt.
A bipolar disorder diagnosis should't be treated as a death sentence. We face hurdles and obstacles daily, within our mind and within our hearts. We don;'t have a natural balance of emotions and even with medication and therapy, we still have days of intensity.
However, there is a silver lining to these mood shifts and what we've overcome, and what we have yet to overcome. We have the ability and the gift to express our emotions through art, music, and the written word. We have so much passion and sensitivity to the world. We do this for ourselves, for others like ourselves and for those struggling to understand their loved ones impacted by a mood disorder. We all will continue to be creative, to thrive, and to love. We will continue to find beauty in the world.