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WARR;OR
People around the world are receiving semicolon tattoos to display support for those who struggle with depression, bipolar, addiction, self-injury, and suicide which represents the choice to continue life, because a semicolon is used when an author could have ended their sentence, but chose not to...
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I am not supporting or advocating that cutting is right or wrong. For some people, like myself for a good portion of my life, it is just a way that you have to live with when emotional pain becomes unbearable. It is a real subject and outside my posts about suicide and the struggle with living with bipolar disorder, it is one of the most significant subjects I will ever speak about in my journey...
This subject is very important to me as it signifies a very dark place I was once in. When I look at the scars on my arm, it is a constant reminder of who I was, and how far I have come since I was a teenager. It's a sensitive subject, but I would rather talk about then push it off to the side as it is part of my story.
I truly believe that if people knew more about this subject of self-harm that people would be less likely to ridicule someone who has lived through something so traumatic they chose to release the pain by cutting themselves. And unfortunately, sometimes, these victims are judged by their journey, but no human on this earth is perfect and one cannot deny that...
I have seen people bullied, including myself, because of this. The comments that some people post or state are a big part of the problem, but the issue is deeper AND darker. It saddens me because I understand, I have lived it, and people making horrific traumatizing comments only makes it more difficult to get help for this issue plaguing the mental illnesss community.
People at times hate what they do not understand. If you knew this history would you still judge us?
That's where my post is headed. I want others to know parts of my own struggles with cutting and self-harm. If you see and hear the history of one of us, you might understand what lead us down this path..It is not pretty or appealing, it is a subject in my past that I usually don't like to share but it is time we change the outlook, the bias, and the stigma of mental health.
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Emotions have always gotten the better of me. The depression side of my Bipolar Disorder means my emotions are heightened to the extremes. It is a cruel world and most people prefer not to hear about your problems. They have issues of their own and that's understandable. But there's more to it...
Since I was a teenager and into my twenties, I always tried to hide my scars. People saw the side I let them see, on the outside I was okay. I now call it one of the masks I wear in my life. I got good grades and interacted with people the best I could as a teen. On the inside, I was different. Way different. Dealing with my problems was never my strong suit(it still isn't). I prefer to shut my problems inside, and never deal with them head-on. My problems compiled in my head. I never talked about how I felt. I allowed my pain to keep building until it left emotional scars, and those are the worst kind of scars.
Emotional pain can be an unbearable experience. The world disappears. You get lost in your mind and escape seems impossible. You feel tired. Alone. It is a dark place. You feel like you are holding on to the weight of the world. I would lay there for hours doing nothing but staring into space lost in my mind. Every human experiences emotional pain in their lives, but for me, my emotions were magnified by a thousand some nights.
It is emotional pain that led me to do things like cutting for some of my teenage years and into my early twenties. Physical pain, compared to the emotional pain is easier to deal with because at least physical pain can be healed. That is why my solutions led me to inflict self-harm on my arms..
My arms and knifes became my sanctuary. When I cut, the emotional pain was pushed out of my mind for the time being... but then I would look down in disgust of what I've done. Physical scars heal over time but emotional scars may never heal. I would hide my scars by wearing long sleeves and hoodies to prevent others from seeing it because one would probably assume I'm a psycho with cuts up my arms... or any other erratic assumption..
The point I a trying to make is that life for some people like me, can be very harsh. One that was born with a illness and will suffer with it, every single day. We are human like everyone else. It has been many years since I turned to self-harm. I got to a point where I can manage my emotional pain at the level where I didn't need to cut.
I have come a long way but the scars on my arms are still the reminders of a time where I couldn’t deal with life. It hurt. It cut deep. But ridiculing someone because they would rather have physical pain instead of emotional pain cuts just as deep. When I do glance st my arms it does sadden me that I went through such a traumatic experience and I still carry it with me. But letting go shouldn’t be the solution you’re worth much more.
There are so many people out there, especially at teenage level (when I started cutting) and I speak to them now. It will be okay. If you haven’t already get help. It would mean the world to me if you got help. If you'd would like to share your story with me please do. I will not share it with the world. If you need someone to talk to, Turn to the people who love you, they love you unconditionally no matter what. Cutting is not the end of the world sometimes the pain is too difficult to face because you feel so alone. It will get better I promise, I’ve lived it, still and will continuously have it everyday forward until whatever comes. Pain isn’t always visible but scars are but never be ashamed of them, your scars are beautiful
I know you feel like giving up but don’t... Do not let the darkness outweigh you, you can face anything life throws at you.
Hell, you’ve already been through the worst, your strength is unstoppable. We are deserving of a beautiful life we mean no harm we just want to feel loved because facing it alone is even worse. Don’t let the monsters inside, they are not in control, don’t let them steal your life.